i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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