I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize