It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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