Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
