i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
