so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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