I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
