Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize