No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
