fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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