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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
