i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
