My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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