I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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