overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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