there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
