another moral hangover. fuck.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Drunk is not a location!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
