Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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