I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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