I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
