Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
