he thought i was a dude.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We had sex on a dog bed..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
