i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
