Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
