Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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