yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
