Don't make out with my wife yet
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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