fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
