I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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