I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
