So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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