Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize