I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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