We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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