I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
