i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
