She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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