one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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