So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize