i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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