a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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