Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
