Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
