Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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