are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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