i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
