i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
