she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
