Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
