Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
