I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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