$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
