we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
