I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
