I smell stomach acid.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
