I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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