I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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