I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
