I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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