I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
