I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
