dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They have beer where we have blood.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
