just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize