I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
