I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
