Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize