MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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