he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
