All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
