i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i think i just lost a toe
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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