I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
