If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
