I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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