it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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