My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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