all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
