I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
