we're blogging at a bar
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
